My parents have told me multiple times, especially my mom: "Stop being such a doormat." She says being a doormat means I have no values. She says that if I don't fight back for whatever I have been wronged for, I am just looking for more trouble.
But I'm tired of hearing that. I do have values.
One of my biggest values that I will always hold onto is putting others before myself. Whether I can be successful at that all the time is another topic-- I know I am not. But maybe a girl can try.
I know there are many out there who think that we have to put ourselves first sometimes. I don't believe that, and I never will. I never will because the Bible commands it--He tells us to "value others above [ourselves]" and to love others like we love ourselves. If the Bible commands it, nothing bad can EVER happen as a result of it, and I trust that with every single cell of me.
Yet one thing I have found myself doing is twisting the truth in order to uphold reputations or help them think they are right...when in fact, there was nothing right about it. Sometimes I will tell people that things are okay when it simply isn't. Sometimes I'll even say that I've done certain bad things when I haven't. I think most people in this world just want to be right about something, so I let it be.
I think that recently, I've also failed to call people out on things that are not good for them--but then again, they know that about themselves, so I feel like calling them out on it would be worse. Or perhaps it would be "judgmental", which many people have said to me. Some things are so small that maybe it's even petty. It's so ironic that I have become like this, because a few years ago I would have told the truth no matter what the case. Yet I've been getting so much backlash that perhaps I just don't even care anymore.
I have gotten to the point where I am just tired of this culture. I don't care if I'm right or if they're right--I just want it settled. But I have come to learn that this is WRONG.
I constantly run to God to get refueled, and he has done a great job of that for me. But maybe it's time to tell God that I'm sorry for not always speaking the truth in love, but speaking what is half true and half false just so that others can feel good about themselves. Bearing others' burdens should not be like this, and this is also not looking out for anyone's well-being.
Peace is important, but it should be based on 100% truth. Truth waits for no one. It can hurt, and it can bring joy. But most importantly, its sets sinners free.
The world is so crooked. I can only pray that I don't get crooked along with it and accidentally think that I am actually doing something good. It's just not worth it. God's ways are so much better.
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