On Society, Cultures, and People

I know it has been a while since I last posted, and there's honestly a ton of stuff I could write about. But today, I'll choose to talk about society and cultures in general. Why? Because today in my ELL (English Language Learners) Foundations class, cultures was the topic. The entire thing made me think about AFS and my experience abroad.

Before you start reading, know this post is a bit scatterbrained. There's just so much to talk about on this topic.  

Culture is defined as:

The ever-changing values, traditions, social and political relationships, and worldview created, shared, and transformed by a group of people bound together by a combination of factors that can include a common history, geographic location, language, social class, and religion. Nieto, S. (1992)

Note the words ever-changing. What does this mean? It is never concrete. Or stable. It is always changing. It's not the law, but it's most similar--the law should be stable, giving us rules... but yet, the law is always changing as well. Deep culture (the part of culture that cannot be seen by the human eye) is the "unspoken" law.

The reason why I bring this up is because it is important to know that while culture is oh-so-important in our daily life (especially as an exchange student), it is not the end all be all. Things that were considered "normal" in the past are considered "crazy" today. Times will change. You will do crazy things. You will do normal things. It's just part of it all, so embrace it.

When I was in Germany, I went around doing some pretty non-cultural adhering things, also known as social breaches. Some of it was because I'm just a huge klutz, and some of it was done on purpose, after realizing how judgmental people were. I wanted to see how people actually thought, because I clearly was not a "normal" person, and needed help :) I had a great time doing those social breaches (and I only realized it was "weird" after I "broke" the norm). Granted, I got distasteful looks, people laughed hysterically at me...among other reactions as well. But it was worth it. I just made sure I didn't break the law.

What you will begin to see is that most people in this world do not like to think or just don't think in general. It's pretty sad. They give themselves the benefit of the doubt, but may never give you it. They are primed for certain ways of thinking, and once they decide your intentions for themselves, they will find a way to believe it. Or they just see and hear what they want to see and hear, tuning out everything else. Why? Because they need people to affirm them and make them feel good, and because they don't like being wrong. When (on the rare occasion) they decide to try to figure out your intentions... they use some already determined lens (also called theory). Lens that come with assumptions. Which, in my opinion, aren't great lens. When you tell them your true intentions, they won't necessarily believe it, because people can be quite paranoid.

In these cases, just continue loving people and forgiving them. They don't get it, and that's ok. No one is perfect, and everyone has an evil side that they just prefer to never talk about. So when you're faced with a problem with your host family, friend, or whoever, know that their culture, past, and more has shaped the way they think. Try to remain calm, even when they aren't. Know that it is partially them, and partially society.

When you meet those rare people who do believe you, know that these types of people are hard to find, and make it an ever-lasting (not ever-changing) friendship.

My parents used to tell me all the time: "You think anyone (besides us) cares? No. Only you will care the most about you. You are responsible for you." Yes, I do believe that I am responsible for myself. But I honestly and sincerely hope that no one will ever believe that no one cares about them.

Now making a full circle so that exchange is relevant in this post...The beautiful thing is that your host family cared enough to take you in--so be thankful and make the best of it. If things get really bad, know where to draw the line. But try to understand the true intentions first.

It takes courage to love and forgive, because it means being vulnerable. It means being counter-cultural. In a world where culture dictates so much of what we do, try to be counter-cultural in the way you act towards others. It's completely worth it. To those who already do, kudos to you. The world needs more of your light.

I absolutely love this quote.