I was born with a whole slew of physical problems. Eyes. Brain. Lungs. I cannot even completely remember my medical record, because when I put everything together, there are too many conditions to count. Obviously, my situation could be worse, so I learned not to sink in self-pity pretty quickly. But I was born with cerebral palsy, which influenced my gait in an unnatural way, as well as cross/lazy eye, which impaired my vision. As time went on, I became practically blind in one eye, could not (and still can't) see 3-D, and was diagnosed with glaucoma (which can lead to blindness).
I never paid much attention to the physical-visual world mainly because I could not see it well. As my dad said, my physical realm of life pretty much measured 5 inches in radii. That might be a bit of an exaggeration, but when I come to think of it, it's true. I often looked at the ground to keep my balance (if I wasn't looking at the ground, I was probably using a person/vertex as my anchor point--this would usually be someone who was wearing bright colors, someone who was very tall, or something that created a V shape / right angle), could not give eye contact for long periods of time, had almost no facial recognition abilities, and was dizzy almost always. In short, I did not have a good relationship with the visual world. I could not understand why people focused so much on outer appearance when, to me, the spiritual world of lights, love, and Christ was infinitely more pertinent (although I should still say that this doesn't mean I apply the right lifestyle as much as I should). I thought to myself: "HOW DO PEOPLE NOT SEE THIS?" But as it turns out, I was the one missing a complete 50%. Paradoxical, isn't it? But just today, the Holy Spirit gave me this:
"I have kept you from seeing the physical world so that you can see the reality of beauty. I have made every person and every thing on this Earth as beautiful. My kingdom is beautiful as well. You know these as truths. I have kept you away from the physical for so long, but now you are finally ready to see it and understand the importance of it. Now you are to learn not to underestimate the physical world, as you have been doing. This is because everything physical is a manifestation of the spiritual. I want you to make this connection. If you ever see anything and sense that it is not right, I want you to bring it all back to Me and look deeper into the spiritual. You don't need to crosscheck everything. You just need to learn how to hear my voice more clearly. I also want you to see how the physical interacts with the spiritual. For in the Trinity, there is spiritual and physical. I encompass it all."For the first time, I also understood why God made me wait so long. But definitely not for the first time, I can say that God's timing is perfect. When we wait, God either redirects us or gets us ready for something better than we've ever imagined. Had I been born with perfect vision, I know I would not have paid attention to the spirit world. I know I would be easily tempted to follow the world's standards. I know I already am. So what would it be like if I did not have these past 20 (full) years to prepare me? I surely would not be as joyful and happy as I am today. When I caused so many misunderstandings due to my eyes, I wondered why God would allow these things to happen. Today, I have finally understood. I know that the world often thinks I'm crazy--it thinks that I don't look at things the same way as others. But to me, it's all okay, because it is always 100%++++ worth it to follow in the footsteps of the Creator...the creator of all things, physical and spiritual.
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